Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

How to Stick to Your New Year's Resolutions

The new year is just around the corner, now is the time for reflection and planning. Every year we make resolutions and either decide that we will finally lose that weight we've always wanted to lose, change jobs, get out of debt, fall in love, or enjoy life more. For most of us these aspirations and hopes last us through the first few weeks of January. If we are really lucky, we may be able to keep these resolutions till the mid-February. But, let's be honest, it is difficult to change habits and hard to maintain our initial levels of motivation. What can be done? What can we do to follow through with our resolutions?

Start by figuring out what you truly want

Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the truly important goals you would like to to meet in the next five years. Then, after each of those goals write down the number of years you want it to take. Determine the top three one-year goals, write down what needs to happen in order for you to fulfill those goals especially the things that you really don't want to do. Those are the goals you should focus on for the new year.

Keep the motivation running

In This Year I Will...M.J. Ryan explains that in the short run we can motivate ourselves through fear. If we scare ourselves - I've got to stop drinking or I'll lose my job, we are more likely to make a change than if we do not. However, in the long run we must head into something more positive. Your brain will naturally seek pleasure and anything positive will reinforce that.

Turn "I'm afraid if I don't find a better-paying job, I'll become a bag lady" into "I want a well-paying job so I will be financially secure." - M.J. Ryan

Break it down into steps

Much like climbing Mount McKinley from the base, if you look at your goal head on, it can be overwhelming. It's especially difficult to change habits and going cold turkey from the start or 100%, will burn you out. Remember this is not a sprint, but what could be a marathon. Smaller steps are easier to take and will let you experience "success", which ultimately begets motivation.

Act as if you are already there

This is similar to the notion of fake it until you become it. There is a gap between who you want to be and who you are now, if you close that gap you'll get that much closer to being that person you want to be. Arnold Schwarzenegger used this similar technique in body building and in his Hollywood acting career.

"What you do is create a vision of who you want to be, and then live into that picture as if it were already true." - Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Create contingency plans

If not A then B if not B then C. Suppose your goal is to lose 20 pounds in three months and to do that you would have to exercise three times a week. On the first day, you get to the gym and it's locked and closed for the day. Instead of telling yourself that you will start tomorrow, you look outside your car window and consider running on the pavement. Well, it looks like its going to rain, so then your plan C is to do some exercises at home. Make it necessary to do what it takes to get to where you want to be. Stay away from letting yourself make excuses.

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You Need to be More Courageous

Fear Holds you Back and Courage is the Remedy

It's no secret that we humans have not evolved fast enough to keep up with our technological and societal advances. One such survival technique we've passed on from the Paleolithic days is fear. Fear is a primitive emotion that protects and alerts us when there is imminent danger.

While fear is extremely useful when and if you come face to face with a giant bear or mountain lion, in today's society fear can hold you back. For example, we are might fear being rejected by our peers or are constantly concerned about losing our jobs. The day to day experiences we have often lead us to be more concerned about protecting ourselves emotional rather than pose any true serious threat to our lives.

Psychologists conducted numerous studies to determine how the brain considers risk of loss versus the potential of gains. One such study included a coin toss whereby participants were asked if given a 50-50 chance of winning $30 or losing $20, would they take this bet. Those who are risk-adverse put more weight on the possibility of losses than on the possibility of potential gains. This is to be expected for those who are risk adverse. However, those who gave the possibility of gains and losses equal weight were more likely to take the bet. In general, the psychologists discovered that the brain is more sensitive to potential losses than to potential gains.

"We have to trust in ourselves that what lies ahead for us is nothing compared to what lies within us, knowing we can never become who we truly want to be unless we are willing to let go of the safety ropes that keep us where and who we are." - Margie Warrell

This explains why I myself chose to stay with a Big 4 accounting firm for as long as I did despite the fact that I didn't believe it was for me. Rather than pursing something I truly enjoyed, I rationalized to myself that by avoiding the risk of looking for another job, that was the safest choice to make. However, I failed to consider the potential gains both monetary and emotionally from working at a different company.

How do we start? How do we become more courageous?

Being courageous is not something that comes overnight, but can be achieved through small steps. Do something the scares you everyday. This could be asking that girl you've had your eye on out on a date or asking your boss for a promotion. Each time you step outside of your comfort zone you are working towards building a larger comfort zone. As your tolerance for risk increases so will your confidence.

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

One of the best ways to be more courageous is to consider what you have to gain if you take that chance. Too often we dwell on what we have to lose. Every time I'm at a bar and I see a girl I want to talk to, I ask myself what do I have to gain by walking over and talking to her. We can hit it off and/or I just made my comfort zone slighter larger. Yes, we can run a number of scenarios where the boyfriend might come over and try and throw a punch or you are left both physically and emotionally damaged. But, if you worry about that, you won't go over there and introduce yourself. More likely than not, you won't be physically hurt by just talking to the girl.

When faced with a dilemma, ask yourself if you don't do this will you regret it ten minutes from now or a day from now, what a month, or even a year? If you answered yes to any time frame at all, then you need to have the courage to "just do it".

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How to Discover what is Important in Your Life

What is Truly Important in Your Life? 

Are we looking far enough down the road? In today's fast paced society, whereby mail is now exchanged instantaneously and your every question is answered by Google in less than a second, we've grown accustomed to expect things to come immediately. However, this also means that we've started to consider our goals and aspirations on a month to month or day to day basis versus years and decades down the line. As a result, we may end up spending time on worthless pastimes or pursing possessions that don't necessarily mean much in the long-run.

"Years go by fast that it's hard not to think about the future. You live for the moment, of course, but you've also got to prepare for the future. That's life. That's everybody. Being in the situation you're in now you definitely think about it, but you do live for the moment." - Lebron James

It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of the day to day. That is why it is important to take a step back and look at the longer term. The below meditation exercise will help you temporarily change your perspective and help you see life in the light of a longer time period. Hopefully, this exercise will help you figure or reinforce what truly matters most in your life.  

With your eyes closed and after you've allowed yourself to deepen your sense of relaxation, whereby your muscles are relaxed and your breathing has slowed, begin by thinking of a long time. Consider a span of many years (5-10 years). After that idea has settled in your mind, extend that time to an even longer time period. You may be at 10, 20, or 30 years. When you are ready, double that time. Then double that time again.

From this viewpoint, you are now centuries away from when you initial started the exercise. Look back at your life and ponder the below questions. Simply allow your intuitive instincts guide your answers into awareness.   

1) What are the most important things in your life?
2) At the end of it all, what really matters?
3) What would you be better off doing more of?
4) What would you be better off doing less of?

Take a moment to write down your insights and reflect on them. You may discover that from a longer term perspective, your focus needs to be elsewhere or you could be right where you need to be. In addition, all the worries and difficulties you have from a day to day point of view will start to look small in the grand scheme of things. Now it's your job to ensure that you are on the right path and simplify your life by focusing on what really matters in life. 

"Consider what you are doing and ponder whether it is worthy that you devote your life to it." - Rabbi Nachman

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How to Remember Everyone's Name You Meet at a Cocktail Party

Never Forget Anyone's Name Again

How embarrassing is it when you forget the name of the person you just met? When you end up meeting nine people within a span of a thirty seconds, it becomes really hard to remember what their names are. This is to be expected as it has been scientifically proven that our short term memories only hold about seven plus or minus two items at any one time.

Furthermore, your memory can only hold that information for about fifteen to thirty minutes. By the end of the night, it's likely that you forgot just about everyone's name you had just met a couple hours ago. Throw in the fact that you are most likely in a dark and somewhat noise environment and now you have the odds stacked heavily against you.

People say that the best way to remember someone's name is to repeat it to yourself or use his or her name immediately after learning it.

"Hi, my name is Chris. Nice to meet you."
"Hi Chris, my name is Audrey. Nice to meet you as well Chris." Hey Chris, what brings you to this cocktail party?"

This can get old quickly and without a doubt you will end up mixing people's names by the end of the night. Let's not discount the number of drinks you'll have by the end of the night, which will further impair your memory.

There is a smarter way to remember the names of people you just met.

The key to remembering someone's name is to create a mental image. Find a way to associate a sound of the persons' name with something you can picture right away.

By creating a vivid image in your mind, you will be are able to more easily put a name to a face or vice versa associate a face to a name.

For example, if I meet a person at a Christmas party and her name is Audrey Eve. I'd imagine snow audrizzling down into the room on Christmas Eve. That image is a lot more interesting to me than just her name. As a result, it is more likely to stick in your head than just her name Audrey Eve. The reason why this works is because of human evolution. In order for us to survive, it was much more advantageous to remember where there was food whether it was behind a bush or over the hills versus whether the "i" comes before "e" except after "c".

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Reduce and Relinquish Your Attachments

Learn to Let Go of your Attachments

In today's society, we have ingrained in our minds that more is better and maybe even bigger is better. For example, compare a standard new car in 2005 versus a standard new car in 2013. In 2005, most cars did not come standard with navigation, Bluetooth, the Push Button Ignition, auxiliary input to hook your Apple products in, and air conditioning. I'm kidding about the last one, but you get my drift. Now even the Honda Civic comes standard with a back-up camera! It is in our nature to constantly want better, more efficient, stronger, faster, bigger.

Although striving for better and more is not in itself a bad thing, it poses a problem for most people when they start to believe that the key to happiness is to constantly chase after better things. Most people including myself develop plans and set goals that might involve ultimately buying a new house, new car, or land that new job. The moment it gets out of control is when we start to believe that in order to be happy we must have all those things we have listed in our "checklist". For example, we believe that we not be truly happy until we get that car, that job, that new house, more money, more prestige, and power.

When you start to shape your the world into what you want it to be, you get yourself into trouble. The reason being is that the world is constantly changing, there are a lot of things that we can not control. Everybody has their own ideals and fancies of how the world should be, there no way to change the world into everyone's desires. Then of course, suppose you do get everything you dreamed of. Now you will find that it isn't enough and of course you'll end up wanting more.

How does one end this vicious cycle or not let it get out of hand? Reduce the difference between your desires and what you have. That gap between your expectations and reality is your unhappiness.

Most people carry their wallets or purses with them when they go out. We don't think much about it when we go shopping or out for dinner, except for the fact that it might feel slightly lighter at the end of the night. But you certainly don't expect to lose it. The minute you lose your wallet or purse you might start to panic and think about all the credit cards you had in there and let's not fail to mention the cash that was also in it. But, after retracing your steps, you find your wallet or purse and suddenly you feel relieved. Isn't it interesting that the same purse or wallet made you panic and worry also is caused you to feel relieved and thankful? It is almost as if your happiness was dependent on that wallet or purse.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't care if you lose your wallet or purse. All I am saying is in general, your mindset is what controls your happiness. When you change your mindset, you'll be able to control your own happiness and not let it depend on external forces.

"What you need to do is be thankful for the life that you got. You know what I'm sayin'. Stop lookin' at what you ain't got and start bein' thankful for what you do got. - T.I.

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You Need To Be More Resilient

Tips on How To Be a More Resilient Person

How is it that when faced with a difficult and stressful situation, there are certain individuals who are just able to manage their stress better than others? The most resilient person is able to withstand the greatest of storms and come out of it poised, ready to assess the damage, and focus on rebuilding what was lost or determine the next logical steps to take. An example of strong resiliency is Viktor Frankl's Nazi death camp experience. Despite dire conditions and against all odds, when most of the people in the camps died, he came out of it a survivor.

Kennedy once said "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men". Life is not easy and it doesn't get any easier as you go through it. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking that finding that significant other or that new career promotion will make your life easier. There will always be roadblocks and new challenges coming your way. So, how is it that some men crumble in the face of difficult situations, while others thrive.

Remember That It's Not Personal

One reason is the way we decide to view situations. Many people lack resiliency because they take most things personally. If everything in their life is going well, then they rejoice and all is fine. However, the minute roadblocks or new challenges arrive, they start to become discouraged, doubtful, and discouraged.
How they feel ends up being controlled by outer conditions, which are largely uncontrollable. They might ask themselves, why me and why now. It's not personal, bad things happen to everyone. That person who honked at you on the freeway, might know what you look like, but doesn't truly know who you are. So, don't take it personally. Those who are resilient look beyond themselves and focus on the bigger picture or a goal larger than themselves.

Overcome Difficult and Stressful Situations

One of the best ways to build your resilience level is by going through difficult situations and figuring out a way to overcome them. Do you remember when you stressed over that high school paper, looking back if you had to do it again, you probably not be as stressed. You are more resilient now than you were years before.

"Experience is the worst teacher. It gives you the test before giving you the lesson."

In stock trading, it's the same. When you first start trading with a small portfolio of say $5,000. Any drop of 5% or $250 might have seemed like a lot of money. However, as you grow your portfolio to say $100,000. Now suddenly that $250 looks like chump change compared to what you are risking now per trade. To be successful, you must adapt to stresses that were once difficult to overcome.

Visualize the Worst Possible Scenario

Another way to overcome stressful situations is by visualizing the worst possible scenario. Figure out what is the worst that can happen and then determine the logical or practical steps you need to take should that happen. Your goal is to view stressful situation be that shooting star or that small speck in the grand scheme of things because that's what most things are. We just get lost in the details when we are in the experience itself, but if we take a step back we will see the bigger picture. Then ultimately you might realize, it's not as bad as it might have first seemed.

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